Bitter Frosting

Having your cake and eating it, too. I can’t help but think of my mother’s voice echoing through my head as a child, in her attempt to somehow make me understand the realm of choices and expectations. It wasn’t until recently that I really stopped and think about what it really means, you know- to eat it and have it all at the same time.

Recently, I had an ex-boyfriend fly in from out of town to spend a long weekend with me. It had been approximately two years since I had seen this guy but we had been able to maintain a pretty candid friendship via phone. Of course, my fiancé wasn’t so thrilled at the idea of me spending a weekend with someone other than him, let alone a Mr. from my past. Despite the concerns, the trip was planned and in came “Guy” for an unexpected weekend of horror.

An unfortunate detail of my life is that my best friend has been unofficially dubbed “God’s gift to men.” (Not my phrase but that of the countless pursuers that had been turned away). There is something about having a gorgeous best friend that seems to alter any hope of having a healthy self esteem and opens a doorway of all those unnecessary emotions and feelings that I wish I didn’t have.

Long story short- he comes out; he ignores me while spending all five days trying to desperately get it my friend’s pants; and proceeds to make the situation overall awkward. My feelings got hurt and I really tried to identify why. I have a man who loves me but for some reason here I felt no better than the first runner up for Ms. America. In the end, I decided I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too. That is a dangerous position to be in and as a girl, has proven to be more complicated that I could have every imagined. I guess I will still never understand why people still want to have their cake and eat it, too.